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Estate planning is often treated like a math problem, but as John Healy (Chief Investment Officer) and Kathy Healy (CEO and Wealth Manager) of Healy Wealth Management explain, it is actually a communication challenge. The goal isn’t just to move assets; it’s to foster family harmony and ensure your hard-earned legacy doesn’t become a source of stress.
If you’ve been avoiding the “money talk” with your heirs, you aren’t alone—but you might be leaving too much to chance.
Many parents fear that disclosing wealth will demotivate their children. However, Kathy Healy notes a vital distinction: there is a fine line between transparency and over-disclosure, just as there is between privacy and secrecy.
Privacy is healthy: You don’t need to share every account balance to be transparent.
Secrecy is dangerous: Silence creates ambiguity.
The “Gap” Problem: When parents are silent, children fill the information gaps with their own assumptions.
The Crisis Factor: These assumptions usually clash during high-stress moments like illness or death, when emotions are already volatile.
To avoid a “one and done” overwhelming data dump, Kathy recommends a graduated approach to family meetings.
| Meeting Type | Core Objective | What to Discuss |
| 1. Emergency Prep | Basic survival guide.
| Who to call and where to find documents in case of illness or death.
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| 2. Values & Legacy | Passing on the “Why”.
| Family history, philanthropic goals, and financial habits like living within one’s means.
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| 3. Expectations | Setting the stage.
| Guidance for heirs and roles for trustees to align future use of wealth with family values.
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| 4. Full Orientation | Total clarity.
| A detailed walkthrough of the estate plan for all beneficiaries.
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John Healy acknowledges that sitting the family down at the dining room table can be intimidating. To mitigate the fear of how heirs might react, follow these expert tips:
Start with Intent, Not Numbers: Don’t lead with the bank balance. Lead with your “why” and your desire to reduce the burden on your children.
The “Whole Family” Rule: Include everyone to ensure no one feels excluded or makes separate assumptions.
Acknowledge the Source: Talk about how the wealth was built and the work ethic it represents.
Focus on Clarity, Not Control: These meetings are about giving your family confidence and peace of mind, not dictating their lives.
Q: When is the best time to start these conversations?
A: Ideally, well before a crisis occurs. Engaging heirs early allows them to learn information when emotions aren’t high due to illness or grief.
Q: Will knowing about an inheritance make my children lazy?
A: This is a common fear. By focusing meetings on Values and Legacy first, you reinforce the habits (like hard work and wise spending) that built the wealth in the first place.
Q: What are the main benefits of being transparent?
A: You achieve three major outcomes: fewer surprises for heirs, better preparation (knowing who to call for guidance), and strengthened family relationships.